


Not real

by Let_bijohns_be_bi_johns



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Concerned brother, Doctor John, Fluff, M/M, Sherlock tried to commit suicide, Worried John, a long time ago, tw suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 04:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10631988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Let_bijohns_be_bi_johns/pseuds/Let_bijohns_be_bi_johns
Summary: Sherlock sustains a minor injury and John gets his file and finds out his best friend has tried to kill himself in his youth.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to follow me on tumblr let-bijohns-be-bi-johns.tumblr.com 
> 
> This was inspired by a prompt on Facebook.

Sherlock let out a cry of pain as a bullet grazed over his arm, gripping the wound as John hurried over to pull Sherlock out of the firing line and assess the injury.  
“This needs stitching up and cleaning” John said, leading Sherlock towards the hospital, assuring the detective that Lestrade had the man in custody.

Sherlock sat on the bed in a private cubicle, with his beloved coat and shirt folded up on the bed beside him as he waited for John to come and sew him up, not trusting any of the nurses.

“Have you Sherlocks medical file? I need to know what drugs he's tolerant to” John asked over the desk to a woman who nodded and handed a paper folder over. John thanked her and flipped through the file.

John halted and moved to sit down outside the cubicle as he read over a report from when Sherlock was 19, he had still been a student at university when he had tried to take his own life with a cocktail of drugs and a deep gash on one of his arms.  
John sat in stunned silence, he hated the thought that his best friend had felt so low and alone that he'd had to do that.  
He was suddenly afraid that he would try it again, and he couldn't bear the thought of his life without him.

John eventually came around and went to find some local anesthetic, returning to his friend to clean his cut up and sew him closed, not talking as he focused on the cut.  
Sherlock didn't seem to notice as he texted away on his phone to someone.  
John looked over when he was finished, noticing a pale, raised scar on Sherlocks forearm that he hadn't noticed before. His heart sank, having hoped that this beautifully arrogant man hadn't actually tried to take his life.  
Sherlock noticed him staring, he hummed and pulled his shirt on, asking if they could go home yet.

In the taxi John texted Mycroft.  
‘Did you know?’  
‘Know what, doctor Watson?’  
‘That Sherlock chucked back a fistful of codeine phosphate and sleeping pills?’  
‘Of course I know’  
‘And???’  
‘He's not a risk anymore…’  
‘.... ?’  
‘I keep a close eye on him, Watson, I never let him out of my sight.’

When they got home John went to put the kettle in, his features unreadable as he thought about a young Sherlock, his uni career just starting, thinking that he could just slip away unnoticed.  
Sherlock was lay across the sofa texting someone -still- ignoring John.  
John set a cup down in front of Sherlock before going to sit in his own chair, sipping his drink and trying not to stare at Sherlock.

In truth, John was terrified for his friend, he wanted Sherlock to know that he was there and that he wasn't alone, without him knowing that John knew about it.  
After a small while, Sherlock sits up to drink his tea, cool eyes on John.  
“You've been distracted since we went to the hospital” he observed.  
John smiled weakly before nodding at him “something came up… Your arm okay?” John asked, changing the subject, hoping to drop it.  
Sherlock eyed him suspiciously before nodding “just fine, thanks” he said.

After a while of stewing, John put the telly on and went to sit on the sofa with Sherlock to watch the news, as he couldn't see the TV from his chair.  
He sat quietly for a few moments before pulling Sherlock into a tight hug, causing the detective to cry out in protest and try to detangle himself from John. It took him a few seconds to calm down, but when he did he leant into John, he suddenly realised what the whole sullen silence was about.  
“It's okay, John” Sherlock murmured quietly, looking at him.  
“I know, I don't want to let go” John mumbled into his shoulder, wanting to assure himself that Sherlock was still with him.  
“I'm sorry” Sherlock whispered, though he didn't know why, leaning close into John and hugging him back.

They sat for a long time, John too afraid to let go of Sherlock and Sherlock too afraid of being let go.


End file.
